Oh yes

“Is this for you? It’s not for me.”  Oh, someone who likes more than to use me as a rubbing post*! Wait, what do we… oh yes.

This is what sex is supposed to be like. Her hand between my legs. Mouths on each others’ bodies.  Yes, wrestle with me to pull off my shirt, no hers, to open my legs, to take off her panties.

The smell of her hair.  How is it that the smell of a girl’s hair gets into my pillows, my clothes, my body?  That direct olfaction connection from molecule to brain to groin is intoxicating.  Her wetness makes me ache.

No I can’t just lay here without touching her, I won’t come that way, and that is what she wants, isn’t it? Unlike the last one*, who collapsed when she was done, always.

I don’t want her to stop me when I make her feel good. Why has she let me get this far? A fuck is never just a fuck.  Am I more than just convenient? I want to know. I want. I want. I want her clit in my mouth. I want her to punish me. I don’t want her to leave.

*I had an ex who liked grinding way more than touching me with her mouth or hands. She also wasn’t very reciprocating in the sack. 

Pull the plug

Her herbal smell hits me like a brick wall when I entered her house.  The same smell I thought about and imagined after the other night.  The smell of her hair.  The smell of the air I inhaled as she kissed me on the dark dance floor. 

She gives me a tour of her house; the dark living room, the kitchen filled with the warm, soft light of evening.  The same light filled the bedroom.  Stay out, I thought. But I walk in to see the bathroom with a beautiful tub.  An image flashes in my mind – the two of us naked, laughing in the tub.  Do I imagine it when I see the tub, or later, over dinner?

She calls me a name only lovers have used, casually, over dinner. I hate it because it feels so good. We’re laughing.  “Stop,” she says smiling.  I keep laughing, not knowing what I’m supposed to stop doing. 

Back at the house, I get my bag and leave. I could have hovered, could have sat on the porch, could have asked to watch a movie with her. But I feel the electricity between us and need to pull the plug.  When did she start being attracted to me?  It doesn’t matter I tell myself. I hug her goodbye for an instant longer than I should.  Her girlfriend only lives two blocks away.